Life is always filled with twists and turns, ones that we cannot predict. We just have to push through them and hope that the road is smoother the rest of the way. We deal with things as best we can, but then there are those times when we're just at a loss.

I am at a loss. I'm at a loss for what to do in the situation that I'm now in.

Sam and I--I didn't want to be his secret lover. I didn't want to have to sneak around and hide things from everyone. He finally agrees, and it'd be all great if things weren't so complicated for us.

We have the practice to worry about; Sam was right in saying that we'd already dragged everyone through our divorce. Now we're putting them through this too. My number one concern, though, is Maya. I know she's growing up and she's a big girl. She can handle a lot, but this isn't fair for her, to jerk her around like this. She deserves to be in a stable environment where she doesn't have to worry about what's going to happen next between Mommy and Daddy.

I just--don't know. But to top it all off, there's this Dell thing. Despite what he says, I still see him as a kid. He's..."the cute boy who answers the phone," as Addie says. I can't...I couldn't EVER start anything with him. The thought won't even register in my mind, but I can't imagine how much this changes things. His advances are much more forward and that is going to affect everything with Sam, everything dealing with work.

How am I supposed to deal with this? What is everyone going to say? Where will I end up?

I think...I think I need some cheesecake.